


at your own burial (don't forget to cry)

by texaswatermelon



Category: Lost Girl
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-25
Updated: 2013-03-25
Packaged: 2017-12-06 12:21:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/735564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/texaswatermelon/pseuds/texaswatermelon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><em>She seeks Bo out in the dark places where the sweat and sex and carelessness is so prominent it presses against your ears and seeps into your pores.</em> Post 3x10.</p>
            </blockquote>





	at your own burial (don't forget to cry)

**Author's Note:**

> **Disclaimer:** Lost Girl does not belong to me. No infringement intended.  
>  **A/N:** For anon, who prompted me this: "Post doccubus break up. Bo goes crazy and starts feeding off of and sleeping with a ton of people which is really hard for tamsin to watch. Tamsin is secretly in love with Bo (totally canon) so she goes over to Bo's place one night to make sure she's handling the break up well and sees her in bed with another person. Tamsin snaps and literally kicks the other person out before passionately professing her love for Bo, which Bo returns. Then sex." I don't know how this got so angsty, but I hope this works for you, anon.
> 
> I also wanted to take this time to really say thank you to everyone who has read (reviewed, favorited, etc.) my other two Valkubus fics. You guys are amazing, and I appreciate all of your support.
> 
> Spoilers for episode 3x10, obviously. Unbeta'd as usual so all mistakes are my own.
> 
> Title from Miike Snow's "Burial".

Lauren skips town not long after the breakup.

She goes to the Australian Outback or the Sahara Desert or some shit. Tamsin doesn't really know for sure because no one actually tells her the news. She isn't entrenched enough in the happy sunshine gang (she fucking hates that name, the way that Evony spit it at her so mockingly, but it sticks in her mind regardless) for anyone to talk to her about something like this face-to-face.

But she's not blind. Whenever they're all at the Dal, there's a definite hole where Lauren should be. The others don't acknowledge it, pretend it isn't there, but they step around it and leave space for it at Bo's side. Tamsin heard the Ash talking about it once, how they were going to have to find someone to fill Lauren's spot and take care of the Light Fae injuries while she was gone. After that, they all avoid the name like it's some kind of trigger, like they're afraid the very sound of it will turn Bo into some raging Under Fae and launch her into a killing spree.

The only person who doesn't seem to notice Lauren's absence is Bo.

xx

Tamsin is no doctor, but she can diagnose bullshit when she sees it. And Bo is currently inundated with the worst case she's ever witnessed.

She knows this act. She's  _lived it_  for more than a millennium. The dangerous smiles, the smart-ass comments, the badass persona and devil-may-care attitude are all a cover. Bo runs around kicking Fae ass and pretending that she's totally fine with Lauren's decision to leave, but Tamsin knows better. She sees the look in Bo's eyes when she thinks no one else is watching—the one that cuts like glass because it shows a girl so broken and lost, so  _tired_. She recognizes it when no one else does.

It's the same one she sees in the mirror every day.

xx

Acacia is dead; of that she is almost certain. Tamsin will never forgive her for being such an idiot, for taking burdens that weren't meant for her onto her own shoulders. They were mother and daughter, but Valkyries do not dote on their children the way other species do. Acacia taught her how to be smart, wary, independent (all of it almost to a fault). She taught Tamsin how to stand up for herself. How to choke back feelings and get the job done. How to handle her own fucking problems.

She doesn't know why, when it counted most, when Tamsin needed nothing more than to be allowed to figure shit out on her own, Acacia decided to step in and try to force her hand. Maybe it was out of some delayed maternal instinct, some urge to protect her daughter. Or maybe she really just wanted to cash in on the bounty with her. Tamsin will never know now. She would give all the bounty in the world to be able to turn back time and stop Acacia from getting into this shit. To stop herself from ever coming to this godforsaken city and meeting fucking Bo Dennis.

To stop herself from falling in love.

xx

Bo starts frequenting the Dal less and less, but Tamsin is familiar with the majority of the bars and clubs in the city. She knows the places that would attract a newly single Succubus who feels like she's got nothing left to lose. She seeks Bo out in the dark places where the sweat and sex and carelessness is so prominent it presses against your ears and seeps into your pores, and watches her hunt and feed like an animal that has been caged and starved for hundreds of years. Humans, Fae, men, women—Bo is indiscriminate when it comes to partners. She is almost more careless now than she was when her devolution started. She hasn't killed anyone yet, but Tamsin knows it's only a matter of time. And then it won't matter what  _he_  wants or what Tamsin plans to do about her little problem. No one will be able to save Bo at that point.

Tamsin watches from shadowed corners as Bo picks out her prey and wonders what it must be like. To be in a club full of beautiful people and know that you were chosen among the many by a veritable sex goddess. To see that bright blue gaze directed at you with pure lust and feel it pierce you to the core. To have those long, delicate fingers graze over your skin and take away all of your will until the only thing you want or know or care about is her. To be free of everything but that one pressing need. To be noticed. To matter.

She has been fed off of before. It was excruciatingly painful: felt like her lungs were being ripped out through her mouth. At the same time, it was the most pleasurable experience Tamsin has ever had. She will never forget it. And she hates that, hates that she craves it, that she wants to be controlled and used and consumed like nothing more than a snack.

But she does. She wants Bo to take everything she has, to suck her dry until she turns into dust and scatters in the wind. At least then she can have a purpose. Give life instead of take it. At least then she can avoid this whole mess with the Wanderer. She can be done with it all. Maybe it won't save Bo's life, but at least she won't be responsible. And then there will be a part of her, always, living just under Bo's breast, giving her strength. That will be something that none of them, not even Lauren or Dyson, will ever be able to take away from her.

xx

When she comes out of the bathroom, Bo is waiting for her. Her arms are crossed and she has an expectant, unamused look on her face. Her eyes are dark and glinting, barely visible in the low light of the club.

"You know, I don't take too kindly to stalkers."

Tamsin has no response. She drinks in the sight of Bo. This is the closest they've been to each other in weeks.

"Why the hell have you been following me?" Bo snaps.

"I'm just looking after everyone's favorite Succulette. Making sure you don't do anything stupid," Tamsin says, plastering that practiced smirk on her face.

"Because you actually care, or because you need me for some seedy, underhanded scheme?" Bo asks distrustfully. "You know, whichever one you cooked up that involved stealing the hair from my head."

Tamsin sighs. "None of that matters now. I had a job to do, but I don't like the terms anymore."

She brushes past Bo on her way out, and it takes every ounce of willpower she has not to turn around and give herself over to Bo completely.

xx

The next time Bo takes a human home, Tamsin follows them. She doesn't know what the hell gets into her, could never explain herself if asked, but she's just so tired of holding herself back and standing on the sidelines. Soon enough she will end up like Acacia, or worse, and she's done sitting around in bars waiting for death to find her.

She lets herself into the shack and walks a half-remembered path up the stairs, into Bo's bedroom. Bo is in the process of ripping the human's shirt off while he looms over her on the bed, and at the sight of him groping her like he's never touched a woman in his life, Tamsin completely loses her shit. She stalks over and rips him off of the bed by his shoulder with little effort. He hits the floor with a thud and a cry of protest, but Tamsin just throws his shirt at him.

"Get the fuck out before I snap your neck," she growls, and feels her eyes go black for just a second before she reigns it back in. The human doesn't need much more incentive than that. He scrambles to his feet and runs out of the house without even putting his shirt back on.

She turns back to Bo, who looks irate.

"You'd better have a damn good reason for this, Tamsin, or I swear—"

"Shut up," Tamsin mumbles, and then crashes into Bo like a wave.

The kiss is all teeth and tongues. Bo tears at her mouth like she was expecting this all along, like there wasn't just a random guy in her bed minutes earlier that she was fully planning to fuck before Tamsin came in and interrupted. She feels a harsh sting on her bottom lip, tastes blood, and moans, fisting at Bo's shirt and drawing her closer.

They separate just long enough to take their shirts off and fling them across the room. Bo's hands scrape up her sides, digging into the flesh at her ribs, and then around her back to flick open her bra. She takes Tamsin's breasts in each hand as soon as they are bared, pinches her nipples until they are painfully hard, and drags her mouth down to capture one between her teeth. Tamsin breathes raggedly, twisting her fingers into Bo's hair. She pulls Bo's mouth back to hers, sees the blue in her eyes, and waits for the telltale pull of energy from her core.

Bo doesn't disappoint. It hurts even more than she remembers, and ignites a fire within her that has been reduced to coals for a very long time. Tamsin holds on as tightly as she can and prays that it never stops.

It does stop, but only after she's been rendered completely breathless. Bo pushes her back onto the bed and yanks her jeans off forcefully, divests herself of her own before climbing over top of Tamsin and diving back down for another kiss. Her fingers slide underneath Tamsin's underwear and she wastes no time in plunging two of them inside. A keening noise rips its way out of the back of Tamsin's throat, and Christ this is all she's ever wanted.

Bo fucks her hard, relentlessly driving her fingers in and out of Tamsin's slick heat. She somehow manages enough focus to slip her own hand between them and curl two fingers inside of Bo, who curses loudly. For some minutes, it's just the two of them moving against each other in the same rhythm, breathing heavily into ears, biting harshly at shoulders and clawing at skin. Bo curls her fingers up just right at the same time that her own walls start contracting around Tamsin's fingers and that's…

That's all it takes. Tamsin screams and nearly rips out the bedpost with the force of her orgasm while Bo bites into her neck,  _hard_. She collapses on top of Tamsin, sweaty and panting, and the weight of her there feels like the only real thing that Tamsin has ever known. It's all she can do to drop her hand onto Bo's head, to keep her there for just a few seconds longer before Bo recovers and demands an explanation.

She has none to give.

xx

There's an insistent pounding on her door at three in the morning. Tamsin wasn't asleep (she doesn't sleep much these days since she received that package at the station and threw all sense of self-preservation away), but she was working out. She's wearing a pair of tight yoga pants and a sports bra. Her hair is pulled back in a messy ponytail and her skin glistens with sweat.

Somehow she knows by the pull in her gut who it is before she even opens the door. Still, seeing Bo standing outside of her door, eyes bright and skin glowing fresh from a feed, makes her chest constrict painfully.

"Nice time for a workout," Bo says, blatantly eyeing Tamsin's exposed torso with something like hunger.

"Nice time for an impromptu visit," Tamsin retorts, eyebrow raised.

Bo's lips press together tightly in a frown. "Are you going to invite me in or not?"

Tamsin rolls her eyes and steps aside, allowing Bo to enter. She walks into the center of the living room, looks around at the Spartan décor for a moment, and then spins around to face Tamsin.

"I'm sick of being lied to and kept in the dark. That's all anyone has been doing to me for the last thirty years, and it's really starting to piss me off. You cared enough to tell me when everyone was feeding me bullshit before my dawning, but you've done nothing but dodge my questions and go behind my back about everything else. I never know if you're trying to be my friend or sabotage me, let alone whatever the fuck happened the other night, and it's really getting old. I need you to be straight with me once and for all."

She could make a joke about just how "straight" she and Bo could be with each other, but now isn't the time. Like Bo, Tamsin is tired. Tired of running, of lying, of never being able to settle down and have a life or friends or someone that loves her. Tired of being Tamsin.

She takes a seat on the arm of the couch and looks up at Bo with slumped shoulders and weary eyes.

"What do you want to know?"

"Who are you? Why are you here? What do you want?" Bo fires off quickly, and Tamsin laughs listlessly.

"Those are three very different questions with very different and complex answers. You might want to narrow it down if you ever expect to leave this apartment," she says.

"Okay," Bo huffs, crossing her arms defensively. "Then how about we start with what the hell you did with my hair?"

"I didn't do anything with it," Tamsin says. "I told you, I had a job that I decided not to do."

"Is this about the Morrigan's stupid vendetta?" Bo asks incredulously. "Because honestly, that woman needs a hobby."

Tamsin scoffs. "Trust me, Hotpants, the Morrigan's got nothing on my boss. She's a fumbling idiot who can't keep a handle on her own people. My boss would never allow the insolence that she does. He gets what he wants."

"And what does  _he_  want?"

"You," Tamsin says simply. "Your life, your soul, your power… I don't know what he does with people once he has them. I just bring them in and collect payment."

"Bounty hunter," Bo says with sudden understanding. Tamsin nods. "So you're here to take me in, then."

"Supposedly. But that was never my plan. I came here hoping to get away from that shit. I should've known I ended up in this place for a reason, though. You can't get away from what you are," Tamsin says, and there is deep bitterness in her voice.

Bo shakes her head, confusion etched on her face. "So what happens if you don't deliver?"

Tamsin shrugs. "I can try to find someone he wants more than you, but I doubt that's going to happen anytime soon. Eventually, he'll get tired of waiting and come after me instead."

There's a good chance he'll come after her in  _addition to_  Bo, but she doesn't bring that up now. She doesn't want to think about any of it.

"I don't get it," Bo says, uncrossing her arms and perching on the coffee table across from Tamsin. "Why would you risk yourself for me like that?"

Tamsin's mouth twists in an ugly, self-deprecating smirk. There are so many reasons, most of which she doesn't even have words for, and if she tries to speak them, she will crack and bleed to death from the rawness of it. When she inhales, it catches on the barbed wire in her throat and sounds almost like a sob.

"He already took the only other person that I've ever cared about. He doesn't get to have you, too."

When Bo looks at her with clarity and understanding, Tamsin finally feels like she can breathe again.


End file.
